Compelled

I have felt compelled to write.

My life has taken an extraordinary turn and we know as followers of Christ that He rarely does a new work in our lives during contented blissful days. It is in the grit of daily life and the vice grip of sustained pain and pressure that He does His most astounding work in us. It is deep and causes us to wince, cry out and even wish for the end of our days to find relief. As an ordinary element turns into gorgeous diamonds after long periods of intense pressure and heat, pain is the work of bringing out the beauty of Christ in us.

This is the only means by which we become more like His Son.

This is the proof that we are His.

For some reason private journaling isn’t enough and I have decided to anonymously share my story for a few reasons:

• Lame as it is: I hate the look and speed of my handwriting, but I can type almost as fast as people can speak. So as much as I love to buy journals, feel the paper, and inflate with pride as I finish yet another notebook, it’s much more productive to be typing.

• I don’t want to forget what I have felt as I’m pretty sure that one day I will write a book, or a pamphlet...,or at least an article.

• I don’t want to forget what I’ve learned. Sometimes one has to be at the complete end of themselves in pain before they will really truly be at Jesus’ feet in full submission and desperation. I don’t want to be here again because I didn’t learn my lessons the first time. 

• I want a record of God’s work as I walk this rocky journey so that when I look back, I can see better what God was doing and rejoice in His faithfulness, wisdom and love.

• I want to be a voice. However unlikely it might be for someone to stumble onto this blog, I want to be here in the off “chance” that God can use my voice to be a comfort for wives who find themselves in a similar place of turmoil.

So let this be the beginning of what I hope will be a regular chronicling of me coming to see His faithfulness and goodness more each day as He chisels away at whatever keeps me from looking like Jesus.