Facedown

From the day that I found out about my husband's pornography use and other horrifying activities to the following Sunday, we held our breath until the church could be notified publicly and properly. We were allowed to tell only those closest to use who we could trust to keep things quiet until the Sunday morning service. There were endless meetings with church leaders, friends, teenagers we were closest to, our youth workers, college students...Jack told them individually and in groups. I watched their faces. Some gave instant forgiveness, one walked out of our house suddenly when Jack broke the news. 

It was like knowing your house was going to fall over a cliff, but a week went by while you agonized over every crack in the ground or stone that gave way or watched the sand start to slide. We knew what was getting ready to happen, but we had to wait as we watched small glimpses of what Sunday would look like. 

I don't know how I came across this song, but it reflected my heart as the days brought us closer to revealing Jack's sin. 

 The approaching Sunday seemed like a place of deep reverence to me, 

a day that I would tremble before the Lord and beg for mercy. 

I would put it on loudly and just sob. I wanted to be at His feet, in His presence and this song with it's cautious beginning and haunting cords helped me get there. Then as the music swells, I was able to praise Him and find joy in His sovereignty.